Managing Your Marriage

Managing Your Marriage

"The heart of her husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:11-12

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Profile of a Desperate Housewife

Do you ever feel like a desperate housewife? No, I'm not talking about the ones on Wisteria Lane. I'm talking about the desperate housewives of the real world -- the ones who get up at 5:30 in the morning to run on the treadmill, then push the family out the door so they can get to work themselves, then shuttle kids to ball practice then through homework, then fret over what to fix for dinner (who cares if it's nutritional?), then fold the laundry that's been in the dryer two days, then beg the family to help clean the house, then return overdue videos and stop for a few groceries, then struggle to get in bed at a decent hour so they can get up early tomorrow and do it all over again. Does any of this sound familiar?

Desperate, by the way, can also mean frantic, hopeless, and reckless. If you have a family, you've surely experienced those feelings. But does life have to be this way?

The Desperate House

There are two reasons why wives have desperate houses. First of all, we do too much. We're always rushing but we never get ahead. We keep lists of unfinished projects. All the squares on our calendars are full. Everyone is tired and many of us are cranky. When I am too busy doing things (even good things) that don't bless my home and my family, my house suffers. Clutter moves in, laundry piles up, and chaos reigns.

Secondly, we know too little. Even in this sophisticated information age, we suffer from ignorance. Desperate housewives don't know how to cook or clean efficiently. We don't know our neighbors because our homes are too messy to invite anyone in for coffee. We don't know how to live on a budget. We don't know how to make our children obey. We don't know how to live happily ever after.

The Desperate Wife

You might be a desperate housewife if bedlam controls your home or if frenzy fills your heart. At times we all feel desperate in our roles as wives and mothers because desperation lurks under the bed, waiting to pounce when life spins out of control. But what if we could become not-so-desperate housewives? What if we could be delightful women? The recipe for transformation might be simpler than you think.

After years of living in desperate houses, we have learned some lessons in how to manage our homes in a way that builds up our families instead of tearing them down. Click on some of our other links to discover how to to add organization and peace to your life.

Janet's Still Delighted After 20 Years

Greg and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this summer. I can't imagine who I would be today without the blessing of my husband's encouraging influence for the past two decades. These are just some of the many ways he has appreciated my identity and nourished my personal growth.

He respected my parents enough to ask their permission to marry me before he proposed--a tradition he knew was important to me.
He pushed me through completion of a graduate degree, traveling with me for research projects and oral exams to an out-of-state university miles away from the campus where he was studying.
He championed my desire to set aside a career in order to be a stay-at-home mom for our children.
He has postponed his own desires at times in order to give me things I wanted or "needed"--like a personal trainer, an anniversary ring, a birthday cruise, a morning to sleep in, a late-night to-go order of sopapillas from our favorite Mexican restaurant, a chick-flick date.
He sits in the living room and listens when I play the piano.
He whistles when I dress up nice and still holds my hand when I go grunge.
He brags on me to others and he prays for me.
He loves me and enjoys spending time with me. He is planning a future with me.

Yes, a good marriage depends on hard work and commitment, but the benefits of marriage have changed my life for the better. I'm delighted to be my husband's wife and honored that he chose me. Thanks, honey!

10 Ways to Love Your Husband

My husband tells me all the time that he only needs two things from me in order to be happy: kisses and compliments. Expressing admiration for my husband--either by what I say or what I do--shows him that I love him. You'll never have a delightful marriage if you don't purposefully and frequently demonstrate appreciation to your husband. Here are ten ways to say, "I love you!"

1. Brag on him when he helps around the house. It doesn't matter if he folds laundry the same way you do--the point is that you didn't have to do it!

2. Thank him for acts of responsibility and provision--like adding that tax refund check to the savings account instead of spending it on a plasma TV. "Honey, it sure gives me peace of mind to know that we have some money put away in case of an emergency."

3. Tuck cards or love notes into his suitcase before he leaves on a business trip. Tell him how much you will miss him.

4. Before he leaves for the day, ask "How can I pray for you today?"

5. When you're scheduling a day of errands or projects, start with the things that your husband needed or asked you to do, then work through your to-do list. If you run out of time and don't get everything completed, he will realize you made him your first priority.

6. Recognize what your husband does, not what he doesn't do. He's tired of hearing about everything he does wrong.

7. If it's been two months since he took you out to dinner without the kids (that's called a date, by the way), stop pouting about it. Instead, call a babysitter, plan a date, dress up, and take him out!

8. Don't criticize your husband for doing what God made him to do. The man who works long and hard at his job is fulfilling his God-designed role and you should thank him for it. If you want him to quit working so much, quit spending money and start saving it.

9. Borrow your baby's bathtub foam letters (or buy your own) and use them to "write" love messages in the shower. If your reading-age children bathe in your bathroom, remember to "speak" in code!

10. Before he goes to work, leave a fresh cup of hot coffee and a donut in his car to enjoy during his commute.